My name is Mary.
I have a canary.
His name is Gary.
THE. END.


Disclaimer: I do not actually own a canary.

 

leeeeverett:

today these two kids in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher glared at them and said “could you try to be a little more mature?”

one of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face

(Source: prouvarian)

I get way too sensitive when I get attached to someone. I can detect the slightest change in the tone of their voice, and suddenly I’m spending all day trying to figure out what I did wrong.

Humans of New York - Amman, Jordan (via 5000letters)

birdghost:

current emotion: lumpy bird drawn with touchpad on ms paint at midnight

image

a-gentlemens-hedgehog:

First bath, and he enjoyed it. Can’t believe no one was put down a deposit on him yet.

magoberry:

FUCK nintendo (opens my wallet) i CANNOT believe they’re selling this shit (pulls out $150) an entirely new fucking console that’s exactly like the old one (gives money to cashier) all it is is a new fucking button the 3ds doesnt have (goes home with my new 3ds ll) this is fucking bullshit god damn it (buys and plays all the games that come out for it) fuck nintendo

cutevictim:

Jesus was a homeless Palestinian anarchist who held protests at oppressive temples, advocated for universal health care and redistribution of wealth, before being arrested for terrorism, tortured, and executed for crimes against the state, now go ahead and explain to me why he’d vote conservative. I’ll wait.

(Source: cutevictim)

damecatoe:

"By far, one of the best scenes in the book is where Kaling writes about the photo shoot she and Office co-star Ellie Kemper did for People’s Most Beautiful issue. When the stylist brought a trailer full of size zero gowns, Kaling found herself crying in the children’s bathroom of the public school where the photo shoot was happening. In the bathroom stall, she discovered a smear of what looked like excrement and a child’s graffiti: “This school is bulls–t!” which made her a) laugh and b) demand that the stylist alter one of the gowns to fit her. In the end photo, she’s smiling in a gorgeous fuchsia dress that the stylist had to rip down the back and alter with canvas. Looking at beautiful Kaling, though, you’d never know. It’s a sweet moment of chubby girl victory.” (via afterellen)